“Yes, Patience Jonathan is my Jesus Christ!” – See the top 7 Nigeria quotes of 2013

As always, if you dig deep into any year, you would find quotes that exasperated, tickled, annoyed, frustrated, shocked and delighted us. Thanks to these good guys, we didn’t have to dig up our own list this year. Enjoy the hilarity!

1. “My heartfelt congratulations to the British Royal Family on the birth of a new Prince today at Saint Mary’s Paddington where we had our sons”–Former Presidential candidate and journalist, Dele Momodu




As the world turned its collective gaze towards the UK where the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were looking forward to the the birth of their son (Prince George), Chief Dele Momodu couldn’t help reminding us he once had his sons at the same hospital. He was heckled on Twitter thereafter, but we are sure he had made his point and wouldn’t care so much thereafter.

2. “I was not a tribalist when I had a long-standing and intimate relationship with Miss Bianca Onoh, an Igbo lady, who many years later married Ojukwu and who is now our Ambassador in Spain. I was not a tribalist when I had a long-standing and intimate relationship with Miss Chioma Anasoh, another Igbo lady, who I almost took as a second wife. I was not a tribalist when I had a long-standing and intimate relationship with Miss Adaobi Uchegbu, another Igbo lady, who was exceptionally close to me and who is now at the National Headquarters of the ruling PDP” – Former Aviation Minister, Femi Fani-Kayode


In an attempt to defend himself against accusations that he was an “Igbo hater”, a debonair and libidinous Fani-Kayode gave us an unsolicited list of the Igbo women he had intimate relationships with in the past. He had to apologise to a few of the ladies thereafter, amidst outrage from readers and was threatened with legal action by another.
So much for kissing and yelling.

3. ” Yes, Patience Jonathan is my Jesus Christ” – Evans Bipi, member, Rivers State House of Assembly



Moments after leading a failed insurrection on the floor of the Rivers State parliament complete with maces and cudgels, Mr Evans Bipi reminded us all why he became a thug for a cause. He was fighting for Jesus Christ, he told us. While we wondered why he had to fight for Christ who didn’t need his help, he told us he owes allegiance to Dame Patience Jonathan, the President’s wife. It was homily stuff and we wept in complete obeisance.

4. “Air mishaps are inevitable… accidents are an act of God” – Aviation Minister, Stella Oduah



With a thousand cameras, microphones and tape recorders thrust in her face as she exited the State House hours after another air mishap had coloured our already dark skyline, the Aviation Minister did what every public officer does around here: blame it on God and move on. Classic stuff.

5. “Come sit on my laps and I’ll show you a level of grace you do not understand” – Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo reportedly tells Ese Walter before a sex romp in a London Hotel. The pastor has not denied her account.


This quote made the rounds on social media for weeks on end. The pastor is yet to deny it, weeks after, preferring to maintain a “robust silence” instead. The apparently randy Pastor still commands large audiences every other worship day. He’s a suave class act, won’t you say?!

6. “Approved. Do the needful”– Stella Oduah, Aviation Minister


Embroiled in a luxury car scandal capable of evicting any other public officer in any other clime from office, the charming Aviation Minister put the above quote up as defense before legislators probing her role in the scandal. She remains Aviation Minister in an administration that apparently fancies them corrupt.
But we loved her quote and now deploy it in official speak.

7. “You are a widow? Go and die” –Adams Oshiomhole, Edo governor



For a Governor who loves to apply the death penalty in reining-in kidnappers, we were still appalled anyway. 48 hours later, he was having tea (with) and profusely apologising to the widow he had asked to go and die. It was a masterfully stage-managed PR photo-op and we lapped it all up.
This former labour leader won our hearts all over again.
STAR BONUS
How could we have left this out? Silly us and many thanks to our eagle-eyed readers who pointed at our unpardonable omission…

8. “The website of NSCDC is going to be made known by my “Oga at the top”– Obafaiye Shem, former Lagos commandant of the Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps (NSCDC).



The video had gone viral before we could say “Shem”.
As guest of a Channels TV breakfast show, Mr Shem couldn’t reel out his organisation’s web address, pausing now and again before going: “ww.nscdc that’s all”. Several memes trailed his gaffe and T-shirts, mugs and even birthday cakes carried his “Oga at the top” insignia with his signature index finger pointing to the skies as he mangled his lines. We even had a danceable song remix dedicated to our “Oga at the top”.
The man had to be ferried to another State to carry out his duties in order to avoid the Lagos spotlight.
He could not “categorically give us nwan” at the moment we needed one and we laughed at him to no end.
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This post is republished with permission from Ekekeee.com 

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